Category: Clare Smith’s Diary

7th April xxx1 Cloudy (Clare)

7th April xxx1 Cloudy (Clare)

I still can’t wrap my mind around what happened yesterday. One moment I was desperate in trying to reach Oscar, knowing that he was on the plane and that I have probably lost him forever, but then I finally heard his voice and realized that he sounded closer to me than he should have. When I turned around and saw him standing a few steps away from me, my heart nearly broke into pieces. His voice was so soothing and filled with love, as he wrapped me in his arms and kissed my lips. I wanted to merge myself with him and never leave. I was in Heaven.

8th April xxx1 Sunny (Clare)

8th April xxx1 Sunny (Clare)

The morning was pretty much perfect, and I was really looking forward to meeting Oscar. I swear, every time I think of him my heart skips a few beats. I can’t be immune to his laughter or the way I feel when I’m in his arms. Still, today I didn’t feel so good at all, because as I was waiting in the dining area, I happened to stand in line just before Finn came in. Of course, I couldn’t ignore him, but our conversation was very awkward. He barely acknowledged me, and looked very hurt by my decision to be with Oscar instead of him.

14th April xxx1 Sunny (Clare)

14th April xxx1 Sunny (Clare)

So it wasn’t a girlfriend after all. I felt so mortified after confronting him, seeing how he deliberated how intensely he could laugh without hurting my feelings too much. He assured me that he made a clean cut with his girlfriend before he first spent the night in my room, and I felt much more comfortable knowing that. I thought that finally nothing could keep us apart, but I was so wrong. He took a deep breath and started explaining to me that he doesn’t know what to do about his education. He said that he was torn between the need to go back to Georgia where he knows everything, and the desire to stay with me. It was all too much for me so I left the cafe.

9th April xxx1 Heavy Rain (Clare)

9th April xxx1 Heavy Rain (Clare)

Oscar is angry with me, and I hate that. It serves me right, but I’m so lost and hurt! Yesterday evening I went to study at the library when I was stopped by Finn’s sister, who verbally attacked me and claimed that I had destroyed her brother’s faith in girls. She told me that she would make sure she made my life a living hell. I tried to keep my cool and explain to her that I don’t love her brother, but she swore at me and left. I really didn’t feel good spending time with Oscar, and when he picked up on it he got mad, claiming that I didn’t want to spend time with him.

15th April xxx1 Heavy Rain (Clare)

15th April xxx1 Heavy Rain (Clare)

I hate bawling my eyes out for anyone, but I couldn’t help myself tonight. I buried my face in a pillow, but I still fell like the whole dorm could hear just how much I am sad by the situation. I love Oscar more than I ever loved anyone, but if we keep on fighting like that I know that we won’t get very far. Still, despite knowing that I still couldn’t get myself to turn on my phone and call him. I knew there would be voice messages and missed calls, but I decided to ignore them. I couldn’t bare to hear his decision.

16th April xxx1 Rain (Clare)

16th April xxx1 Rain (Clare)

I watched Oscar sitting in front of our dorm for good thirty minutes before I decided to go downstairs and invite him in. Granted, I thought that he would be gone within five minutes, but the longer he sat there the more my anger subsided. I decided that I don’t care whether or not he had decided to stay or go, as long as we both work on our relationship, even from afar. Seeing his face light up as a candlelight when I called his name, I knew I had made the right decision.

10th April xxx1 Rain (Clare)

10th April xxx1 Rain (Clare)

Somebody who doesn’t love another person as much as I love Oscar can’t even imagine the way it felt when I saw him at the door. I deliberated whether or not to send him the mail, being miffed with him for not trying to contact me at all, when I heard loud bangs on the door. I quietly approached them, thinking it could be another of Finn’s angry moments, but when I looked through the keyhole my knees got week. I opened the door and seen his weary look. I don’t know how he had managed to convince our security guard to let him in, but I didn’t care. I threw my arms around his neck and started washing him with kisses, as he closed the door behind us.

11th April xxx1 Windy (Clare)

11th April xxx1 Windy (Clare)

It was such a beautiful night. Oscar and I ended up lying on my bed, so close to each other, just holding our hands and looking into each other’s eyes. It felt like every cell in my body was so content with the fact that he was so close to me, that I didn’t need anything more. He was there and that’s what made it perfect.

12th April xxx1 Fog (Clare)

12th April xxx1 Fog (Clare)

Now that the pressure and guilt that I felt from leaving Finn was gone, I finally got the chance to speak freely to Oscar about everything. I wanted to know everything I could about his life in America, all the places he traveled to. I envied him when he mentioned Florida, California and sandy beaches, and as I looked at the rainy windows I wanted to go with him. However, when I told him about it I noticed that he got unusually quiet. I wonder if I said something wrong. I asked him, but he told me that everything was fine, that he would take me there one day.

13th April xxx1 Cloudy (Clare)

13th April xxx1 Cloudy (Clare)

I really don’t get why the relationship between Oscar and me is so complicated! A few days ago he was all gentle and willing to talk to me, but tonight he was everything but communicative! I don’t understand him. I thought he loved spending time with me, but ever since I mentioned the idea of visiting him in Georgia, he became distant. Is it possible that he still has a girlfriend at home? Is it possible that he’s playing both of us?

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